::hearing:: Baby I need Your Lovin~ The Four Tops
You know that feeling in the pit of your stomach when you dont know whether 2 fear being alone or just what you're capable of when you are?? i have that feeling and its grinding away every ounce of happiness i seek 2 draw from life.
my counselor, who hearinafter will be reffered 2 as mrs. munster, called today. she called my house!! mom told her i nearli shot myself in the face when i realised how awful i am at driving a standard. if you didnt read the last entry you'll be lost on that. i should write arun back...no i need to, and i want to, but im so self absorbed right now i dont know what i'd say.
that sounds awful doesnt it?
i'm fine, really. for a few strange days i am the owner of two cars...seeing as how i still need the bucket due to my lack of transmissional skills...is that a word? who cares. its so nice for my parents 2b gone...i can hack in peace with a week for it 2 all go away and they wont know. but i dont think i will. i dont have any reason to be angry @ myself and yet i am. WHY? there's another answer i dont know. maybe i've got the right answer, just the wrong question...how cliche.
tonight i watched sabrina and ate m&m's somehow managing to convince myself that i'll end up perfect, and that choclate is magical in burning fat...bogus. but who cares, i did convince myself...and thats quite impressive.
i'm so different from who i woz last year. last summer i woz terrified of food. now i just scream at it and shove it down my throat 2 keep everyone happy and 2 prove to it that i dont care. but it doesnt make any difference. im still terrified, it just doesnt show as much.
i feel like i dont belong here. i know i dont, but somehow the one place i dont want to be is exactly where God has put me. irony in the least.
xx
9:48 pm - 15.06.04
Recent entries:
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had - 12.09.06
in new york summers get hot...well into the hundreds - 18.06.04
the effects of phish food...yes it too comes in pints - 17.06.04
life has a funny way... - 16.06.04
way to much honesty - 15.06.04
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